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Oh my… How are these poor, poor little snowflakes supposed to cope with life when it is this freaking hard?

Let’s all gather in close, clasp hands, and have a moment of quiet… oh hell NO! And I mean NO! with an accompanied ‘quit yer moaning and whining, you sniveling little cry-babies, and grow the (fill in the blank) UP!!’

It seems that the simpering student (‘scholars’ as they are referred to) populace have figured out a new offence du jour – the cafeteria food!

Wait, wait… it’s not what you are thinking. I mean, has there ever been a student (“scholar “) who has not complained about the food at school cafeterias?
It’s de rigueur! It’s part of the whole school experience. It’s, it’s, un-Amer’can not to… I would go so far to purpose that everyone who has ever attended any institution (educational or otherwise) where food is served has complained about it.

So… we all thought we had it bad… nope, not in the slightest!

Let me tell you about the poor, poor little panty-waste whining cupcakes at Oberlin College and just how bad these little snotty-nosed babies have it.

It seems that the college’s food management company (Bon Appétit) has committed the egregious crimes of ‘insensitivity’ and ‘cultural appropriation’ or mis-appropriation over some of its offerings to these indignant ‘I’m so offended’ “scholars”.

What the **** am I talking about you ask…

It seems that undercooked sushi rice is offensive. Oh, as is serving cooked fish on the sushi instead of raw fish. Yeah, let’s serve these folks uncooked fish at a school cafeteria and see how long it goes before someone gets a rip-roaring case of food poisoning. As for me, I’m talking all the first day time slots on the betting board.

These “scholars” are whining because the General Tso’s Chicken is steamed, not fried! Last I heard, fried food is bad for you. According to all the hysteria that is thrown at us, it’s so bad that just thinking about frying something causes your arteries to harden a bit and shortens your life. Don’t sue me because your lifespan just decreased because I mentioned frying something (good thing I didn’t talk about frying a pound of bacon, then frying a couple of eggs in the rendered grease isn’t it?).

Anyway, back to the poor little thin-skins at Oberlin College…

Another of the ‘cultural (mis)appropriations’ they have to endure is when it comes to their order of Vietnamese banh mi. According to some one of the expert “scholars”, banh mi is not culturally correct if the meat is not grilled. ‘I’m so offended’ that Bon Appétit would offend these little cupcakes with something that was so inauthentic! The horror of it!

Now, in the interest of disclosure, I have only had banh mi a few times. Each, and everyone of those times it was at eateries where I was the only one who spoke English and I had to point to the pictures of what I wanted to order. On two of those occasions I’m not completely certain that the meat was pork… Should I have been offended and handed those back, saying that they were not authentic or that I felt a ‘cultural mis-appropriation’?

I’m not going to go into whether the Vietnamese people ‘appropriated’ this from the French – although banh mi does generally come on French bread…

I’m almost afraid to bring up the spector of the German community rising up in righteous indignation over hamburgers, frankfurters, and brats.

And what of the bastardization of Mexican food and fears for the health of any Italians who might question the cultural correctness of the ‘pizza’.

Along with pizza, burgers, and tacos, every food out there gets adapted – look at what Bobby Flay does to perfectly good food and everyone raves about his “adaptions”.

And if these whining little perpetually offended “scholars” wanted food to complain about, there were the hotdogs at ENMU-R’s SUB. By midday those things had swum around enough that they usually lost their lustrous red color and turned a zombi-esk grey. That’s where I found that wavey potato chips dipped in yellow mustard wasn’t a bad lunch…

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